Shrink Lit: the Great Tomes of Literature Writ Very Small!

Literary & Linguistics

Some time around the early 1980s certain scribes started to bring the merits of “shrink lit” to the attention of literary publishers and by extension to the public … four centuries, I might add, after the Japanese developed the Haiku style of written expression. I raise the nexus because I can’t help think that the traditional and venerable style of Haiku was one of the influences motivating the rise of shrink lit. Other more contemporary catalysts have included the whole technological communications revolution and the increasingly busy lifestyles of people, etc, etc.

Shrink lit, as the term implies, reduces often famous and highly vaunted literary works to concise snatches of light verse – usually comprising around 8 to 12 lines of rhyme. Long and complex novels, plays and poems, are subjected to a radical scaling back process. The writer’s brief is to pare the book back to the bone whilst preserving the essence of the story and hopefully the spirit of it as well (this is the theory at least!). Great for readers with short attention spans I say!

In the early 1970s one of the pioneering manifestations of this light-hearted form of imitation was an American book called Shrink Lits: Seventy of the world’s towering classics cut down to size, by Maurice Sagoff. This work took on the task of economising many of the best known classics of fiction such as Don Quixote, Gulliver’s Travels, Dante’s Inferno, Shakespeare and The Hobbit. The gruesome and brutal Old English epic poem Beowulf is rendered thus:

Monster Grendel’s tastes are plainish.
Breakfast? Just a couple Danish.
King of Danes is frantic, very.
Wait! Here comes the Malmo ferry
Bring Beowulf, his neighbor,
Mighty swinger with a saber!


The inclusion of The Great Gatsby, Lolita, Moby Dick, Catcher in the Rye, Babbit, Rip Van Winkle and Portnoy’s Complaint, et al, in Sagoff’s collection gives the book a distinctly American flavour, and presumably an American readership.

I seem to recall that Anthony Burgess in the Eighties published a list of the best (ie, “AB’s best”) Anglophone novels written since 1939. ‘Clockwork’ Burg provides an appraisal of each selection infused with his characteristic English snobbery and acerbity….the works are by authors of a certain homogeneous nature – a collection not surprisingly top-heavily British and overwhelmingly masculine.

Australians, being the reactive/adaptive creatures they are, weren’t long in assembling their own home-grown version of shrunken literature – Oz Shrink Lit: Australia’s classic literature cut down to size, edited by Michele Field. Oz Shrink Lit has proved to be popular over the years with uni students who are English majors, especially those assailed by a sense of oppression at having to tolerate an undemocratically chosen syllabus which necessitates tediously long and sometimes just tedious novels.

The Harp’ shrunk into ‘Down & Out in Surry Hills’

Field presents us with sixty-seven Aussie books, each one cut down to a handful of summarising verses. The sheer range of texts is impressive, among the shrunken classics are The Man From Snowy River (outrageously punning on ‘regret’), The Harp in the South (could be retitled “An Ode to the NSW Housing Commission” once given the Oz Lit downsizing treatment), A Woman of the Future, Summer of the 17th Doll and Puberty Blues. Juxtaposed against these Australian classics are harder to categorise entries in the collection: Clive James’ Unreliable Memoirs and, somewhat bizarrely, the Sydney White Pages.

The book comes in a handy, appropriately reduced size, 148mm x 90mm – just right for slipping through recession-shaped holes in coat pockets, losing on the bus, etc. Each verse is decorated with charming illustrations by that effervescent trans-cis Pacific cartoonist, Victoria Roberts. Victoria is really good at giving the countenances of her creations that look of crumbled anxiety, perturbed faces conveying a sense of harassed humanity in the onslaught of a perplexing post-technological age. Not only that, she is extra good at drawing kangaroos and dogs!

Oz Shrink Lit is the sort of book that would make any self-respecting dilettante salivate, offering as it does (the mirage of) instant erudition in an economy of words. Anything that can make Classics Illustrated look complex deserves our sincere admiration. For a particular tasty sample of Oz Shrink Lit’s humorous, condensed versification we need go no further than it’s take on Peter Carey’s Bliss, a quirky, modernist novel in the fabulist tradition (later translated to the screen in a vivid, memorably offbeat 1985 movie adaptation):

Always selling, always nice,
Ad Man Harry snuffs it twice,
Wakes to find he lives in Hell,
Now his wife does adverts well.

Letters to the ABC: Brickbats, Bouquets, Recognition by any name!

Creative Writing, Media & Communications

Over the years it has been fascinating to see what kind of fan mail on-air personalities at the Australian Broadcasting Commission get from your average “Joe or Jill Blow” punter in suburbia. Below is one such paean of praise received by the popular ABC Television personality Tim Bowden in the early 1990s. Included also is the program team’s deeply meaningful and well thought-out reply to the writer on behalf of the venerable Tim.


 

 

25th February 1992

87b Worthog Road

CAREY GULLY SA 5144

Mr Tim Bowden
Presenter, ‘Backchat’
ABC
GPO Box 9994
SYDNEY NSW 2001

Dear Tim,

I am writing to the ABC because I know that the National Broadcaster (trademark copyrighted) is just as committed to critical environmental issues as is the present Commonwealth Government(?). I am making my concerns on this matter known in the hope that the ABC, through the intervention of your own cutting edge, “finger on the pulse of the nation” [insert additional preferred cliche here] feedback mechanism, will take the necessary steps to preserve a vital endangered species in this country.

The species in question is the Shakespearean Teledrama! This threatened creature, so important to the intellectual and cultural ecosystem of the country, has not been spotted on Australian screens for bulk aeons of time! It was last sighted on Oz TV in the late 70s and early 80s when the ABC ran several episodes of the brilliant and highly ambitious BBC Shakespearean production which set itself the task of bringing all 37½ of the Bard’s plays to the small screen in one series.

Since then the ABC Drama Department has obsessively overdosed on contemporary crime and police shows, meanwhile archetypical dramas in the shape of the great, classic tragedies (Hamlet, King Lear, Macbeth, Othello, etc) have been driven to the point of televisual extinction. I am outraged at the ABC’s flagrant and criminal neglect of the much-beloved ‘Shakes’. I am so ropeable that I could happily strangle the Head of Programming with the ABC’s own Lissajous curves! The ABC has a duty to protect this globally-imperilled species and not let it disappear without trace, denying Australian taxpayers the enrichment to be had from such magnificent Shakespearean fauna.

I must warn you that if ABC TV does not rectify this deplorable omission, I am quite prepared to discipline those responsible for this monumental neglect! If Commission Masthead, Lord Talbot Duckmanton, is not willing to subject himself to a humiliating public act of retribution, I am willing to accept a token proxy in his place, someone sufficiently symbolic of the organisation’s ethos but none the less highly expendable. Tim, I believe that’s your cue to take one step forward …

Yours in good faith, flage-u-later,

SS

Mistress Sloane Snodgrasse
Dominatrix-General

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March 14th, 1992

‘Backchat’,

ABC-TV,

GORE HILL,
Sydney, NSW

Miss Sloane Snodgrasse,
87b Worthog Road,
CAREY GULLY SA 5144

Dear Miss Snodgrasse,

Tim is very busy at the moment, being tied up with various projects including writing his book on WWII, Hitler: South Hobart RSL’s Part in his Downfall, but he asked that we pass on his best wishes and commends you for your enthusiasm as an obviously avid viewer and supporter of the ABC.

Tim would like you to know that the National Broadcaster always appreciates any correspondence it receives from a fawning public and that every letter is valuable to someone, somewhere, at some time.

Yours sincerely,

D. Hemingway-Browne,

Personal Assistant,
‘Backchat’

 

 

Making News at the UNO 10 Years ago Today

Creative Writing, Media & Communications

Making news at the United Nations General Assembly 10 years ago today!

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P.I.R.I. News Archive

News Headlines in Thu 31 January 2005

imageDespotistan

Depotistani President Abudullah Mutawwa address to the UN: “We have no Homosexuals in Despotistan”

Depotistani President Abudullah Mutawwa in an address to the General Assembly of the United Nations vehemently denied that homosexuality existed in his country.

The announcement was met with a hushed silence from members of the Assembly, punctuated only by Mutawwa’s immediate follow-up: “They are all dead”. “We kill them all!” he somberly proclaimed with a deadpan face. Mutawwa instantly broke into a chuckle and apologised to the Assembly for making what he called his little “infidel joke”!

After an uncomfortable moment, Mutawwa added “Of course I did not mean it”, as if to reassure his audience. The President went on to say that, quite simply, such a thing as homosexuality did not exist in his devout Republic, stressing that it was totally alien to both Islamic and Despotistani culture. “We don’t have this problem in our society” he affirmed, adding, “This sort of thing happens in weak, decadent places like Texas and London … people like George Bush do that with other degenerate leaders from the West, especially Irishmen and Australians.”

“Despotistan is very liberal, peace-loving and tolerant society” he said. “In Despotistan, it is acceptable to have sex with a cat!”, he told the startled General Assembly, “as long as it is a Persian cat … but you cannot perform the “Beast with Two Backs” with members of your own genital group. It is forbidden. Allah would kill the offenders, and those members would have their members cut off! The God of all Gods would have them hanged, brought back to life and then torn apart limb from limb by rabid, frenzied wild camels!”

imageThe Despotistani President rounded off his UN speech by chanting the mantra “God is great, God is merciful” two hundred and fifty times in Ancient Akkadian.

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Email the President: goattorturer@repgov.dp

Down and Out in the Warrumbungles: Student Life at the University Coalface

Creative Writing, Media & Communications, Tertiary Ed

As aspiring students get ready to make the transition to university, it’s timely to take a look back at the story of a typical first-year undergraduate from the class of 2014 in a characteristic regional Australian tertiary education hub.

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The Centralian

All that’s new from the centre of the continentimage

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The pressure of being a fresher
By Kerry-Anne Wilderbeest
May 31, 2014

Manitoba can barely speak without erupting into a flood of tears! Her Reichian Gestalt Therapist has prescribed her sedatives to cope with depression and anxiety, and after this week it will only get worse.

The 23-year-old is one of thousands of first-year uni students who are careening headlong into what counsellors say is the toughest test of their academic careers – getting through their first end of semester exams.

Semester assessments may not seem at all daunting to those annoying little swotting tragics within the student body but to the less conscientious “party-animal” types, it produces visions of train wrecks and beads of sweat around the temples. According to the naturally warm and empathetic University of the Warrumbungles head counsellor, Dr Ethel Molestrangler, it is a flashpoint for many freshmen – when all the external pressures of starting a new chapter in life collides with the reality of coping academically at a tertiary level. Drop-out rates go through the stratosphere at this time of year, low-percentage subjects get ruthlessly dropped and uni counselling units become popular places for new undergrads to congregate.

DET figures show that about 75% of first-years are not sighted again after the end of ‘O’ Week, except episodically in the union bar. Of the 1800 freshmen who enrolled at UOTW in February last year, 1700 had stopped attending classes by Easter (200 of these however were members of the University’s Red Sea Pedestrian Walkers Club protesting against the sale of Vietnamese pork rolls in the University Food Hall during Passover).

“Things are really crook for me … I haven’t slept properly in about three weeks”, Manitoba moaned in a veiled reference to the poor quality of her Sealy Posturepedic, adding unhelpfully that that she needed to remind herself to phone the Bungles’ 40 Winks store to check on the mattress warranty.

At the beginning of the year, having jogged across Jogjakarta, Manitoba island-hopped all the way to the Warrumbungles to join her partner, Winsome Perving, and begin a degree in plant pathology. On top of trying to settle into a new home and earning well below the Henderson Poverty Line from her part-time night job as an exotic crops cultivator, Manitoba has to deal with the unfamiliarity of the Australian tertiary ed system. Having to bribe lecturers with dead fish to secure extensions on assignments has come as a real shock to a girl of her sensitivities.

Manitoba is desperate, this coming week she will sit three exams, two lab tests and submit four assignments as part of the first raft of assessments for her course. “If the University admino-fascists don’t allow my request to withdraw without penalty from half of my semester one program, I may have to chain myself to the Vice-Chancellor’s Rolls Royce … I want the entire administration to know that I’m fully prepared to engage in a futile and meaningless gesture if that’s what is required!”, she plaintively added.image
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